♥ Audrina's Story.

I was reading a person's blog and it made me ponder about what I did actually would've cause a person's pain which I had no intention to. His blog gave his point of view of a person's being hurt greatly. I can see myself in Jameson's shoes while reading this person's blog (is not Jameson).

I can understand why he hates me so much but at this point I need to say is, I don't want this relationship to continue such that it will hurt both of us. It really took me a lot of courage and time to come up with this decision. Am I doing the right thing?

Haiz

3 words , 8 letters , 1 meaning . I LOVE YOU <3

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

I wanna thank all my friends who have msged me to concerned and encouraged me. Really really really appreciate it. =) Thanks.

Today had a fun shopping spree time....totally. It's been so long since I shopped and without even to care about my budget because I've actually saved enough money and predicted that I'll spend over $100...haha

Here's a list of my 战利品:

1. 2 pairs of shoes -> $49.80 (2nd piece was on 20% discount + a membership card)
2. 2 dresses -> $50
3. 1 top -> $25.90
4. 1 skirt -> $15
5. 3 bracelets -> $10 (buy 2 get 1 free)
6. belt -> $5

Total spend is $155.70 !!!!

Ok la...although it's over $150 but it consists of several stuff...so yup. Overall I'm quite satisfied. Never really think much and juz grab and buy. Of coz it's something that I like la...haha I won't anyhow spend my money on those that are not nice =P

Wat's more, I got free coolie. Haha, to help me carry my stuff...thanks.

And a bunch of "clowns" that made me and raisin laugh like crazy women. Haha...can't stop laughing and seriously need those entertainments to help me distress and forget about what happened recently. Really really wanna thank them for brightening up my day. =D

Raisin, thanks for being there. =D 不愧是我的姐妹！

Ok gotta stop all the emo stuff liao....AHEM AHEM....gonna pull myself out from the situation and be able to stand up and move on. JIA YOU!!!

Ok i know it's a bit random but I realised I haven't buy new bras. Haha....I think some of you will be cursing and swearing and reading this at the same time. Too bad...la la la Ok i think it's probably the medicine that made me quite high. I needa sleep alr...eyes closing soon. Gonna have a hairdo later...excited sia...hahaha

3 words , 8 letters , 1 meaning . I LOVE YOU <3

Tuesday, February 09, 2010

我真的很想逃离这个复杂的世界，为什么人总是那么的矛盾，有时需要撒一个善意的谎言来掩盖那失落的表情。可是，知道了真相又能怎么样呢？已经太迟了。人的世界实在是太错综复杂了。为什么人就不能单纯一点呢？

我的心好痛，好痛。我真的不知道要怎么面对这个世界。人们说，眼泪流一流，就会把悲伤和泪水一起从眼睛冲掉。可是，眼泪流了，悲伤依然还在。我现在真的好想到另一个地方，静一静。我以前觉得我已经找到幸福，得到每个人的祝福与羡慕。可是，当一切不再是那么的像童话故事一样般的美丽时，你就得面临了你所无法想象的噩梦。

人就不能成熟点吗？处理感情的方法实在是太幼稚了。我真的没有那个勇气再谈恋爱了。我真的好想好想忘掉这一切，好好的过那平凡又无忧的日子。他不知道的事是，我是下了很大的决心，才做了这个决定，而不是因为我把感情看得太随便，所以才不再爱你了。我对你还是有感情的，只是说，没比以前那么的爱了。因为你总是把朋友放在第一位，我第二。觉得说，你对我的感情才是谈了。你也少了那些体贴与对我的关怀，就每次都好像我只是你的普通朋友似的。

加上那些暴力的举动，还有金钱上的事故，使得我做出了这个难以抉择的决定。可是，妈妈曾经劝我说要好好对自己的将来好好想想，我却告诉她，我相信他。现在，我觉得自己好笨哦！我是个大傻瓜！我现在真的真的好后悔当初就不应该做他的女朋友。

我妈妈一路上陪伴着我，不管我有多伤心，多生气，她都是我精神上的支柱。我真的无法想像她不在我身边的日子，我想我真的会崩溃。幸好，我还有一群好姐妹，听我唠叨，听我骂人，听我诉苦。如果真的没有她们，我和他的事，我也真的无法处理。所以你根本就没有资格恨我妈妈！

这一切，真的弄得我好累好累。好想快点到马来西亚，去散散心。把不愉快的事，还有现在让我懊恼的事，统统抛到后脑，尽情的去玩。

3 words , 8 letters , 1 meaning . I LOVE YOU <3

Monday, February 08, 2010

Argh~!!! This person is juz CHILDISH TO THE CORE....How did I survive these 4 years with him...SERIOUSLY..juz pissed me off!!!

I'm not despising u for being poor, and u have no right to insult me and my mother, u mother fucker!!!

Argh...sorry for my language but this IDIOT seriously juz pissed me off.

I never despise u for being poor, if i despise u for being poor, I wouldn't even wanna stead with you in the first place...U'RE JUZ ONE ULTIMATE IDIOT IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD!!! If you know u're poor, all the more u shld go and earn money with your own hands and not always asking me to lend you money and always waiting for all the school charity stuff to gif u all those MONEY....

U know you're poor, then all the more u shldn't spend so much money on ur STUPID IDIOTIC hair and ur irritating fucking idiot expensive clothes.....SERIOUSLY...

And u simply juz sms me to tell me u hate me which is so CHILDISH for being a 24 years old KID!!!!! RAH!!! Seriously piss me off...and saying I wasted ur time for the past 2 years coz u think that I've alr lost my feelings for you 1 year ago....WHICH LIKE WATSOEVER STUPID EXCUSE LO......U JUZ SIMPLY PISSED ME OFF....I REALLY REGRETTED KNOWING U AND BE YOUR STUPID GF FOR ALMOST 4 YEARS................aft you sent me the msg, it simply juz made it clear that I HAVE MADE THE ULTIMATE RIGHT CHOICE...

SIMPLY JUZ PISSED ME OFF....SERIOUSLY...................ARGH........

and wat's more....send me another msg to say SORRY FOR BEING HARSH.....whoa....it seriously juz make me DU LAN with you....

3 words , 8 letters , 1 meaning . I LOVE YOU <3

Sunday, February 07, 2010

It's so sickening to be sick when it's near and during preparation of CNY....argh nose block...sianz!!!

I think everything has been slowly settling down. However, everything still needs time to recover and heal. Although there are always people asking me how's him....and I'll be like...dunno how to answer.

Like this evening, when I was working, my colleague ask me so much abt him and I nv tell them that we've alr...gone...especially at my workplace, if I'm gonna say out, I gonna need lotz and lotz and lotz of courage. Afterall we met each other from our workplace...So for the time being, I really dun haf the courage to say out. Sometimes I really think I'm a coward lo...seriously.

I dun understand a thing is, ever since we've break up...everybody is like asking so much abt him...but why when we were together, not many ppl ask...and even make fun or joke abt it.

Each time a joke or watever stuff related to him being questioned on me...is like another blow.

Oh no, I'm gonna spring clean my room. Haiz, I wonder how strong can I be when I'm faced with all thsoe stuff that is related to him. I really dunno....

Oh well....dun care dun care...

Ok, sian sick...and my nose is like a nv ending tap, just keep flowing. Argh....why muz I be sick at this period of time? Sianz

Ok I have a long list of movie that I wanna watch lo (well of course those alr over liao i shall not put in here)...

1. Percy Jackson and the lightning thief
2. 14 Blades
3. Little big soldier
4. Valentine's Day
5. 72 tenants of prosperity

And I'm gonna have multiple sessions of K session, chilling session, HTHT sessions etc etc etc

Ok I'm going a bit crazy here and I'm super hungry now!!!

Yeah going shopping with Raisin =) Super long nv go out with babe liao...

3 words , 8 letters , 1 meaning . I LOVE YOU <3

Sunday, February 07, 2010

I've told another person about it.

I didn't expect myself to say or rather, never intend to, until the person said that he think that something is very obvious not right. And most funny thing is, never even expect the next person to know is him. Oh well...and I said it...but I did not tell the person the detail la....coz there is no time coz he was alighting the bus.

Actually, at times, I really wanna say out because it is very awkward to pretend or act or i don't know how to describe the thingy whenever come to that topic and yet have to put on an awkward smile to go along with it.

Oh well, let's not talk about all those unhappy stuff. Gonna use a person's method "/clear" haha

Ok let me see, what am I gonna do before I go malaysia to celebrate CNY...

fri: go school finish up bi proj asap then aft that go back sec sch for BBQ (can't wait to see the rest man...haha)

sat: meet up to finish up bi if not yet done. then work

sun: SUPER FREE...hafta start spring cleaning my room

mon: BI presentation and guest lecture to attend...probably go sing K ?? or go buy clothes??

tues: do smth to my hair? and i'm hesitating again, rebond or perm?

wed: maybe go buy clothes?

thurs: go back sch for other administrative stuff like MP briefing for MYM and BISSA review

fri: early morning to go market to help my dad and mum...then at night go malaysia WHEEEE!!!

Ok i'm really feeling much better le =) Raisin, dun worry. I'm fine =)

3 words , 8 letters , 1 meaning . I LOVE YOU <3

Friday, February 05, 2010

Was it a wrong decision?

What should I do?

I don't know!!!

3 words , 8 letters , 1 meaning . I LOVE YOU <3

Thursday, February 04, 2010

I know i'm not supposed to do aniting for the time being....

but i really need some place for me to talk...

My mind is very confused.....although it supposed to be settled, but during msn....i juz felt extremely sad coz of the words....

But I've alr told myself abt my stand....although he undersatnd that....but....haiz

I juz suddenly feel that my life sux...I wanna go malaysia now...seriously, to escape from all these, giving me time to think through and stuff....haiz...it's so tiring....

3 words , 8 letters , 1 meaning . I LOVE YOU <3

Thursday, February 04, 2010

Am I able to give up on this relationship?

I'm feeling puzzled and lost now...I told myself that I hafta hold firm with my stand but the other part of me is telling me that I can't bear to leave him.

Why am I feeling it this way? I'm really lost now. A relationship that can last for almost 4 years isn't easy. These 4 years let me see his true self and also going through a lot of obstacles and hardship.

If a guy shows his violent side to you even before he marries you....is he gonna be a good husband or will he change for you?

If a guy keep getting loan from you, is he a trust able husband who will really support you financially and give you happiness or he is just treating you as an atm machine?

If a guy is disrespectful to elders, is he gonna be a filial son-in-law or even a husband who is caring for you?

If a guy who doesn't know how to finance his own money, can he be a husband who will be able to give me happiness or just bring me misery for paying his debts if he has any?

If a guy doesn't know the importance of his gf, will he even treat his wife well?

These questions has been with me for the past 4 years. What am I gonna do? I'm really lost now. Some point of time, I did want to give up because there were a few times when he get really over the board e.g. getting the chopper to cut the telephone line, kick my washing machine till there's a dent at the side, throwing the plastic plate and break into pieces, throwing my adapter into pieces too....at that point, I really wanted to give up on this relationship but I'm always the one who initiate to keep this relationship.

It sounds rather contradicting, but...that's what i'm feeling right now. I really wanna give a thought for my happiness and future because I don't wanna regret in future and let my mum sad.

I talked to my mum these few days and what she has been telling all these years actually is true. In the past, I strongly believe he will change and be a better guy for me. Now, I totally understand and believe what my mum say.

I always tot my mum was just being bias over him. This time round, it has reached my limit when he asked me to for loan of $300 when he actually still owe me $110.

I asked for a 1 week cooling period, and these 2 days I've been sorting out my thoughts. There are a lot of things to settle e.g. like stuff we agreed to pay half to share (external hard disk etc). There so many problems here and there and I really don't know how to face it.

Today he smsed me and told me that he's gonna buy the external hard disk but the problem is there are photos inside, and he said he's ok to meet me on fri to transfer the photos to my laptop. BUT I don't have the courage to face him because I don't know how...haiz

But is that an indication that this relationship is ending? My mind is in total blank. I don't know what to do now. Just hope everything's gonna be over asap.

3 words , 8 letters , 1 meaning . I LOVE YOU <3

Sunday, January 31, 2010

Ok, whenever I started writing blog, it means...I really wanna write abt smth.

I'm supposed to be doing BSIT journal, and yet here I am blogging becoz I really dun feel like doing YET i still hafta do it. This is life.

This few days has been quite WOW and UNBELIEVABLE because made new friends that I wouldn't expect to make. Lol!!! And not even mentioning hanging out.

Life is really unpredictable...what should I say? Hmm...UNPREDICTABLE. Haha ok...I'm like over here repeating myself for no reason.

Oh, I tot that smth will happen, ended up is all of us THINK TOO MUCH and only one person is right all the while. Ok...I shall trust my feeling and 6th sense. I just hope that this person really has the determination in doing that thing.

Ok and I'm going Malaysia soon...WHOA FINALLY!!! Lol it's been like SO DAMN LONG that I go Malaysia with my relatives and cousins. Coolz!!! I love to hang out with my cousins. They're really really really nice to me =P Simply love them man!

Sia la, bf go genting tml sia. Lol...but not really keen in going Genting by the way. Haha....but sian is I'm stucked here in Singapore to finish up my assignments...lol!!! Crazy shit.

*yawn* k la, i dunno wat to write alr, and I caught a cold sia...my throat is not feeling well -.- Sianz!!!

3 words , 8 letters , 1 meaning . I LOVE YOU <3

Wednesday, January 06, 2010

oh my god...yesterday went to eat Botak Jon with my secondary school friends. Mr Ng, Yi An, Kingston, Derrick, Bai Kun, Michelle and Hui Shan. Botak Jon was ok. Not that bad but I think Aston is still nicer. Then after dinner, we were like saying where should we go after that. Then someone suggested watching Astro Boy, so we head down to Ehub.

Sadly, when we reach, there was no more showtime for Astro Boy. Then we wanted to watch 2012 but it was all sold out except for the late night movies. So were deciding on My girlfriend is an agent and Paranomal Activity.

Then someone was very scared to watch Paranomal Activity(i shall not say who, give the person some face..haha) so we watched My girlfriend is an agent. I find that overall, the movie was still ok. Funny but some part are quite lame.

Then after the movie, someone suggested continue watching another movie!! =O I wanted to go home and sleep actually coz was busying with assignments and had not have enough sleep for the past few days. Then we were actually leaving when we saw it was heavy rain outisde Ehub. Then some of us are really lazy and rather stay and watch another movie.

So we went to watch Paranomal Activity. I was never a fan of horror movie, but this one is really one worth watching. No wonder the review was 4/5. Nice

3 words , 8 letters , 1 meaning . I LOVE YOU <3

Saturday, November 14, 2009

I really have no idea how to start this entry. Only when I'm emo or things to blog, I'll really blog. Now I'm really feeling emo.

Things have not been the way I want these few days. It's like, whatever I do, I'll seem to offend people (that's how i feel la). It's like, I've not been myself these few days. My smile has become lesser, even if I smile, I'm really trying to smile. This is really what they called 强颜欢笑 which means u force urself to smile.

Haiz, I don't know why. It's like some of my friends want it this way, but I don't like it, I can't just go to their face and say "hey i don't like it la, stop forcing me" I'm like trying to tell them I don't like the idea, and they simply keep giving me reasons that I should. Argh...seriously pisses me off....

Then on the other side, I felt that, why am i so silly doing all these...nobody even bother to do it. And because of that, I really started to hate it....I told myself, somebody just have to do it, it's a matter of you want to be that person. And because of that, I've become more haggard and hafta being called &%*&%_ by this group of people. Argh....that's when I realise, nobody will pity a person who is so sacrificial to do things for others and so this is what you'll get.
-___________-

This week is really the worst week ever. It's like, heaven is playing trick with me. I don't know how to comment on that. I really wanna go a place to scream my head off.

3 words , 8 letters , 1 meaning . I LOVE YOU <3

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Desktop spoiled so went Sim Lim with bf to buy com this afternoon.

Hair was permed and some said nice, and some said 'look like auntie'....hmmmmzzzzzz well, this hairstyle gonna stick with me probably another few more months before I changed to another hairstyle bah...

Attended my first lecture of the semester, well all I could say is "back to school now..."...kinda not used to it because was spending 6 months in my internship company, and now back to school and learn and study....I really need time to adjust.

I'm so sleepy now and I seriously need to sleep as my lesson for tuesday starts at 9am and here I am surfing net like no business...

Anyway just some thoughts that crossed my mind that, ever since last year, someone had not talk to us (gong dumb sha ben) for quite long alr....even if I really attempted to start a topic with this person, the person just seems to treat us like stranger. Well, we're going to be classmates soon so....we shall see how it goes. Because, it's going to be the last semester of my poly life, and I really hoped that things can go back to like year 1 when everybody is so crazy and fun. (I think some of you know whom I'm talking about)

3 words , 8 letters , 1 meaning . I LOVE YOU <3

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Whoa it's time for me to blog le...hehe i know i know, i very long nv blog but you can't blame me coz i've been quite busy with project and work. So today actually got a day off from banquet coz hafta attend ching wei's (my senior's) birthday party at Aranda.

It's so nice to see all my seniors, friends and juniors at the party. But quite sian coz Hui Min nv accompany me go =P Anyway lucky there's ying shuang to accompany me all the way but she left early coz yi ting they all are leaving. So i stayed awhile to chit chat with qianhui and the rest.

And most surprising is.....Ish is there too. Lol!!! So coincident!!! Haha...but it's quite nice to have a gathering once in awhile to catch up with the rest. Everyone's like so surprise with my hair, like my seniors, they can't even recognise me...Wei Tian and Xiujun. lol!!!

Ok let's hope that I'll have time to blog from now onwards. =) It's going to be another busy day tomorrow. Let's hope work will be relaxing for me...luckily monday's lesson is only 4-6pm Hehe...

3 words , 8 letters , 1 meaning . I LOVE YOU <3

Saturday, October 17, 2009