♥ Audrina's Story .
Whoa I see flex coding, really will faint... Haha it seems like others are enjoying their holiday, and our group still mugging and solving watever bugs we have. Probably it's because we have pretty high expectation with our proj. Oh well, I just hope I can enjoy aft our MYM.
But I need to go back school for vietnam trip briefing and lessons. Haiz...
Oh well, i can't wait for all the outings and fun stuff going on aft MYM..Hehez
Back to the grad night, I juz hope everything will turn out well. Seriously, sick of begging people to go when people just say "my friend not going, so I'm not going". Really irritating to get answer like that. And it's hearing from so many people, even those that are not my friends also saying....nvm la....i shall not pester people or force people. It's your choice bah. Simply understand why people always say "peer pressure"
Ok shall not talk about unhappy stuff. Muz die die practise driving. Hehez....although I know I'm gonna spend like a bomb for renting a car. Oh well...no choice la....haha
Tired...ok gonna go sleep le...nitez
Sunday, February 28, 2010
I'm kinda tired....feeling lost...don't know what to do. Wanted to focus on one thing, but another thing is there waiting for me to finish up. So contradicting at times also. Sometimes you want to keep this thing going, but at times, you really just want to give up. Can we just let this thing called off? I really give up. Whatever response I get, is always the same. No motivation to continue with this whole thing, totally no.
Initially, I was still very excited of getting a new dress for it. Now, I simply just want to drop this idea and just forget this whole thing. Can we just go somewhere and chill? Just suan le lo....no point when everyone are like AI MAI AI MAI (hokkien). Sianz to the max.
Ahhh watever la, I just wanna enjoy myself before I know what I wanna do in future.
There're like so many things and places I wanna do and go.
The more I think, the more I wanna give up on this whole thing. It seems like 2010 isn't a smooth year for me afterall. Haiz!!!
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Haiz, I just feel that why people just dun cooperate. It is like the very last event we can catch up with each other, take photo with each other with our nice clothes, but people just dun appreciate the effort we put in and just give attitude and assume that they have the right to not go and give us all sort of stupid and idiotic excuse that we will be the one enjoying ourselves which is like bullshit.
Since all these people dun cooperate, the grad night most likely will be called off and thanks to them.
But it'll be possible if we can change location to a cheaper place and place that doesn't restrict to minimum no. of people BUT people want grand places and in order to get them go, we still have to accomodate them. Why things will be so complicated to plan? They dun see the problem and difficulty we're facing. And if it's cancelled, they'll be saying we're not doing a good job, causing the whole thing to be called off.
Haiz, it's so hard to please people.
Sometimes, I really think that why are we putting so much effort or rather, to see people's face to do stuff when actually what we get in return are just all the complaints and black face. Wat's wrong with all these people sia.
Seriously f*ing irritating......ended up we may have to come up with a simple dinner in an open area, no privacy seriously and watch a movie aft dinner. -.- Seriously no mood for grad night. Grad night is supposed to be something that is memorable yet, it become a simple dinner -.-.
Haiz....if really no choice, I guess it really have to be like that. Why our batch like that wan....I seriously dun get it. This bunch of idiots just dun understand and just take things for granted.
Rah!!!!
Our seniors are still better, they will still go despite they find the location sux. This year is a hotel, and yet so few people are going......we purposely accomodate them and they just dun get the whole picture that they are being treated like kings and queens. They only know how to complain and complain. Sometimes, I really juz feel like giving up. No point having it when everyone are being forced to go and putting on black face when they're there. Because at the end of the day, none of us will eventually enjoy ourselves.
This whole thing just sux!!!
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
好累！累道我不知道要说些什么。
你过得还好吗？
过了一段日子了，还是有点不习惯。以前，你都送我回家，现在是一个人自己回家，感觉有点孤单。以前，你都会打电话问我在哪里，我觉得有点烦，现在的感觉很空虚。
那天你告诉我你很想我，在巴士上，会回想起我们在一起的时光。
当我一个人时或者安静的时候，在一旁思索时，会偶尔想起你，想要知道你是否是真的能够继续往前走下一段人生。我呢？我不知道。我没有那个勇气，我只能跟着时间走。茫茫的人群中，是否有一个能够让我依靠的人呢？
也许，我是注定的要孤苦伶仃的过我的人生。打从一开始，就在我中学时期，应该很清楚我和幸福是没有缘分的。我又再一次和缘分说bye bye。我是不是很笨？很傻？明明自己很清楚，却要一头裁进去。一开始，就不应该谈这个感情，是我带给他痛苦。所以，我的决定就和你所想的一样。
所以，我决定要一个人面对这一切，学会独立，学会别依赖别人。就像我表姐说的，学会凡事靠自己。加油！
Monday, February 22, 2010
The more I think about it, the more I'm a bit pissed off....rah coz I used to experience this thing. So I can clearly know how's the feeling.
Monday, February 22, 2010
Time is always running out. This whole week was totally packed with outings and gathering till I don't even have the time to catch a breath.
How I wish I could have a teeny wheeny bit of time for me to rest though. This sunday for example is gonna be a totally shag and tired day. Early in the morning around 6am to help my dad, then followed by the banquet work at 6pm....Zzzzzz I think after my work, I'll be totally exhausted and probably lie on my bed and straightaway go to my sweet LA LA land. I hope it's gonna be sweet though.
And finally!!! Manage to watch movie liao!!! Wahaha aft so long....and watched Percy Jackson and the lightning thief with ruixin, ish, cheng, yc, chris and andy. It's a nice show with sensible storyline. Coz I super duper hate movie with crappy storyline which I'll feel disgusted spending so much money to watch a movie that I don't understand or I find it ridiculous and senseless. Yup...so I recommend the rest to watch and if jenny and deirdre wanna watch, I don't mind watching the second time. Hehez.
Ok gonna go back in doing the week 16 BSIT journal le...buaiz.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
我好久没有过着孤单的情人节了。十五日也过了。原本这一天是我们四周年，但是没办法过这一天。那一天，不知道为什么，有很多感触。我还没睡之前，脑海里想的还是他。醒来时，还是想着他。不知道为什么，就这一天，我想他的特别多。
不知道，他过得好吗？希望他过得很好，能够过更好的生活。
我的亲戚知道了我们的事，都感到非常惊讶。告诉了他们所有的事，都觉得我的选择是对的。都希望我能够勇敢地走下去，找到更好的幸福。
Ok shall not talk about those emo stuff...enjoyed myself very much...get to see all the fireworks and fire crackers...hehe
And I managed to convince my mum to keep a dog...WHEEE!!! But of all dogs, she say only can keep CHI WA WA... -.- Lolz.....oh well, I decided to go check out next week =] Hehehezzz...slowly pick =P
Aiya, a bit sleepy liao....nitez everyone =) Happy CNY
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
I had a great time with my sec sch friends. Hui Min and Bai Kun are really nice people. Hui Min is so mature and feminine now. And she brought back a lot of memories which made both of us laughed like nobody's business. Seriously, she has very good memory.
Yeah and broke out the news about my relationship and yup, they also agreed that I shouldn't continue on with this relationship. Oh well, I think this really gonna take pretty long to recover. Coz right now, I don't know I'm feeling guilty, or actually shld I even be guilty abt it? It's juz so confusing and and and......i don't know.
Everything is like....so over the mess...I don't know...seriously. Sometimes, I feel helpless in certain ways, but sometimes, I do know that I should do this....but at times, I will stop and think like....is it really right to do this? I'm really lost....I don't know where I should head to....the road in front of me is so foggy....I can't see any light leading me....oh well, I'll juz stay at where I am...and slowly wait for the light to lead me. I think that would be the best solution to it. Time is the best solution to it I guess. I'll wait....
Ok let's not talk about this........
Haiz, got a new look but most of my friends or those who know me said I look like "AH LIAN"
=( Haiz, sian to the max but nvm la, most impt is I like it...haha new look, new me =) An indication of a new start of me to look up ahead of life. Thanks for encouraging me and cheering me up. I'm referring to whoever actually did that. Really appreciate it. =)
Thursday, February 11, 2010
I was reading a person's blog and it made me ponder about what I did actually would've cause a person's pain which I had no intention to. His blog gave his point of view of a person's being hurt greatly. I can see myself in Jameson's shoes while reading this person's blog (is not Jameson).
I can understand why he hates me so much but at this point I need to say is, I don't want this relationship to continue such that it will hurt both of us. It really took me a lot of courage and time to come up with this decision. Am I doing the right thing?
Haiz
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
I wanna thank all my friends who have msged me to concerned and encouraged me. Really really really appreciate it. =) Thanks.
Today had a fun shopping spree time....totally. It's been so long since I shopped and without even to care about my budget because I've actually saved enough money and predicted that I'll spend over $100...haha
Here's a list of my 战利品:
1. 2 pairs of shoes -> $49.80 (2nd piece was on 20% discount + a membership card)
2. 2 dresses -> $50
3. 1 top -> $25.90
4. 1 skirt -> $15
5. 3 bracelets -> $10 (buy 2 get 1 free)
6. belt -> $5
Total spend is $155.70 !!!!
Ok la...although it's over $150 but it consists of several stuff...so yup. Overall I'm quite satisfied. Never really think much and juz grab and buy. Of coz it's something that I like la...haha I won't anyhow spend my money on those that are not nice =P
Wat's more, I got free coolie. Haha, to help me carry my stuff...thanks.
And a bunch of "clowns" that made me and raisin laugh like crazy women. Haha...can't stop laughing and seriously need those entertainments to help me distress and forget about what happened recently. Really really wanna thank them for brightening up my day. =D
Raisin, thanks for being there. =D 不愧是我的姐妹！
Ok gotta stop all the emo stuff liao....AHEM AHEM....gonna pull myself out from the situation and be able to stand up and move on. JIA YOU!!!
Ok i know it's a bit random but I realised I haven't buy new bras. Haha....I think some of you will be cursing and swearing and reading this at the same time. Too bad...la la la Ok i think it's probably the medicine that made me quite high. I needa sleep alr...eyes closing soon. Gonna have a hairdo later...excited sia...hahaha
Tuesday, February 09, 2010
我真的很想逃离这个复杂的世界，为什么人总是那么的矛盾，有时需要撒一个善意的谎言来掩盖那失落的表情。可是，知道了真相又能怎么样呢？已经太迟了。人的世界实在是太错综复杂了。为什么人就不能单纯一点呢？
我的心好痛，好痛。我真的不知道要怎么面对这个世界。人们说，眼泪流一流，就会把悲伤和泪水一起从眼睛冲掉。可是，眼泪流了，悲伤依然还在。我现在真的好想到另一个地方，静一静。我以前觉得我已经找到幸福，得到每个人的祝福与羡慕。可是，当一切不再是那么的像童话故事一样般的美丽时，你就得面临了你所无法想象的噩梦。
人就不能成熟点吗？处理感情的方法实在是太幼稚了。我真的没有那个勇气再谈恋爱了。我真的好想好想忘掉这一切，好好的过那平凡又无忧的日子。他不知道的事是，我是下了很大的决心，才做了这个决定，而不是因为我把感情看得太随便，所以才不再爱你了。我对你还是有感情的，只是说，没比以前那么的爱了。因为你总是把朋友放在第一位，我第二。觉得说，你对我的感情才是谈了。你也少了那些体贴与对我的关怀，就每次都好像我只是你的普通朋友似的。
加上那些暴力的举动，还有金钱上的事故，使得我做出了这个难以抉择的决定。可是，妈妈曾经劝我说要好好对自己的将来好好想想，我却告诉她，我相信他。现在，我觉得自己好笨哦！我是个大傻瓜！我现在真的真的好后悔当初就不应该做他的女朋友。
我妈妈一路上陪伴着我，不管我有多伤心，多生气，她都是我精神上的支柱。我真的无法想像她不在我身边的日子，我想我真的会崩溃。幸好，我还有一群好姐妹，听我唠叨，听我骂人，听我诉苦。如果真的没有她们，我和他的事，我也真的无法处理。 所以你根本就没有资格恨我妈妈！
这一切，真的弄得我好累好累。好想快点到马来西亚，去散散心。把不愉快的事，还有现在让我懊恼的事，统统抛到后脑，尽情的去玩。
Monday, February 08, 2010
Argh~!!! This person is juz CHILDISH TO THE CORE....How did I survive these 4 years with him...SERIOUSLY..juz pissed me off!!!
I'm not despising u for being poor, and u have no right to insult me and my mother, u mother fucker!!!
Argh...sorry for my language but this IDIOT seriously juz pissed me off.
I never despise u for being poor, if i despise u for being poor, I wouldn't even wanna stead with you in the first place...U'RE JUZ ONE ULTIMATE IDIOT IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD!!! If you know u're poor, all the more u shld go and earn money with your own hands and not always asking me to lend you money and always waiting for all the school charity stuff to gif u all those MONEY....
U know you're poor, then all the more u shldn't spend so much money on ur STUPID IDIOTIC hair and ur irritating fucking idiot expensive clothes.....SERIOUSLY...
And u simply juz sms me to tell me u hate me which is so CHILDISH for being a 24 years old KID!!!!! RAH!!! Seriously piss me off...and saying I wasted ur time for the past 2 years coz u think that I've alr lost my feelings for you 1 year ago....WHICH LIKE WATSOEVER STUPID EXCUSE LO......U JUZ SIMPLY PISSED ME OFF....I REALLY REGRETTED KNOWING U AND BE YOUR STUPID GF FOR ALMOST 4 YEARS................aft you sent me the msg, it simply juz made it clear that I HAVE MADE THE ULTIMATE RIGHT CHOICE...
SIMPLY JUZ PISSED ME OFF....SERIOUSLY...................ARGH........
and wat's more....send me another msg to say SORRY FOR BEING HARSH.....whoa....it seriously juz make me DU LAN with you....
Sunday, February 07, 2010
It's so sickening to be sick when it's near and during preparation of CNY....argh nose block...sianz!!!
I think everything has been slowly settling down. However, everything still needs time to recover and heal. Although there are always people asking me how's him....and I'll be like...dunno how to answer.
Like this evening, when I was working, my colleague ask me so much abt him and I nv tell them that we've alr...gone...especially at my workplace, if I'm gonna say out, I gonna need lotz and lotz and lotz of courage. Afterall we met each other from our workplace...So for the time being, I really dun haf the courage to say out. Sometimes I really think I'm a coward lo...seriously.
I dun understand a thing is, ever since we've break up...everybody is like asking so much abt him...but why when we were together, not many ppl ask...and even make fun or joke abt it.
Each time a joke or watever stuff related to him being questioned on me...is like another blow.
Oh no, I'm gonna spring clean my room. Haiz, I wonder how strong can I be when I'm faced with all thsoe stuff that is related to him. I really dunno....
Oh well....dun care dun care...
Ok, sian sick...and my nose is like a nv ending tap, just keep flowing. Argh....why muz I be sick at this period of time? Sianz
Ok I have a long list of movie that I wanna watch lo (well of course those alr over liao i shall not put in here)...
1. Percy Jackson and the lightning thief
2. 14 Blades
3. Little big soldier
4. Valentine's Day
5. 72 tenants of prosperity
And I'm gonna have multiple sessions of K session, chilling session, HTHT sessions etc etc etc
Ok I'm going a bit crazy here and I'm super hungry now!!!
Yeah going shopping with Raisin =) Super long nv go out with babe liao...
Sunday, February 07, 2010
I've told another person about it.
I didn't expect myself to say or rather, never intend to, until the person said that he think that something is very obvious not right. And most funny thing is, never even expect the next person to know is him. Oh well...and I said it...but I did not tell the person the detail la....coz there is no time coz he was alighting the bus.
Actually, at times, I really wanna say out because it is very awkward to pretend or act or i don't know how to describe the thingy whenever come to that topic and yet have to put on an awkward smile to go along with it.
Oh well, let's not talk about all those unhappy stuff. Gonna use a person's method "/clear" haha
Ok let me see, what am I gonna do before I go malaysia to celebrate CNY...
fri: go school finish up bi proj asap then aft that go back sec sch for BBQ (can't wait to see the rest man...haha)
sat: meet up to finish up bi if not yet done. then work
sun: SUPER FREE...hafta start spring cleaning my room
mon: BI presentation and guest lecture to attend...probably go sing K ?? or go buy clothes??
tues: do smth to my hair? and i'm hesitating again, rebond or perm?
wed: maybe go buy clothes?
thurs: go back sch for other administrative stuff like MP briefing for MYM and BISSA review
fri: early morning to go market to help my dad and mum...then at night go malaysia WHEEEE!!!
Ok i'm really feeling much better le =) Raisin, dun worry. I'm fine =)
Friday, February 05, 2010
Was it a wrong decision?
What should I do?
I don't know!!!
Thursday, February 04, 2010
I know i'm not supposed to do aniting for the time being....
but i really need some place for me to talk...
My mind is very confused.....although it supposed to be settled, but during msn....i juz felt extremely sad coz of the words....
But I've alr told myself abt my stand....although he undersatnd that....but....haiz
I juz suddenly feel that my life sux...I wanna go malaysia now...seriously, to escape from all these, giving me time to think through and stuff....haiz...it's so tiring....
Thursday, February 04, 2010
